A Reply To The Letter Left On My Windshield

Caitlin here.

To the young chap who left this gem on my windshield at the Plano IHOP:

First, I’d like to note that if the parking lot was empty (and it was) as you noted, why did you take the time to express your annoyance at my car being parked in two spaces?

Also, I think you should make use of your clearly limited education, and research proper use of the words your and you’re.  They’re not the same thing- I think there is a Friends episode in which Ross clearly defines which word is appropriate in any given case.

I’d like to point out that you must not have a very clear understanding of your own vocabulary because it would be almost impossible for me to be a faggot and a douche bag.  That would require me to be a gay man with a vagina.  Hmm.

Finally, I know that keying my hot car sounds appealing, since your (notice proper usage) vehicle is probably so old that it doesn’t have keys but I have insurance that insures more than a fender bender that I caused, so a repair would cost me nothing.

Have a lovely evening.

Customer Service. We Expect It.

Caitlin and I are what we like to call “customer service snobs.” We expect to be helped in the same way as everyone else because we tip just as well (if not better) than everyone else. Unfortunately, our waiter at Cheesecake Factory the other evening jumped to a very quick and dangerous assumption that we are bad tippers. I work in the service industry. All of my money that I make is based off tips, therefore, I tip others appropriately.  

Caitlin here.

I’ve never worked in the service industry, but Jeff is right- we tip very well.  Just recently we were at Olive Garden and we tipped our waiter very generously for being kind and attentive.  Our waiter at Cheesecake Factory had nothing but a bad attitude from the moment he saw our table.  We watched him interacting with the other tables around us and he was very friendly and polite and went out of his way to be helpful.  One of my biggest pet peeves is being stereotyped because of my age.  The waiter, immediately made a judgment about how we were going to tip when he saw three young people at his table.  We were very nice to him, we didn’t order anything difficult, and we weren’t stingy.  

A few weeks ago, Jeff and I were at Walmart around 10:30 at night, and we didn’t pick up a shopping cart because we didn’t realize we’d be getting a bunch of stuff.  As we piled our arms full of SlimFast, we saw a worker push about 20 carts by.  I asked if we could have one and she looked at me and kept moving.  Jeff went after her and asked again and she said “can’t you go get one from the front?”  I realize that Walmart isn’t exactly high end shopping and that the employees want to be there about as much as we want to go for an elective root canal, but there’s no excuse to treat someone like that.

When Jeff and I worked for Apple, we learned how to give extraordinary customer service thanks only in part to Apple itself.  We had a leadership team that pushed us and trained us to give excellent service regardless of who the customer was.  This paid off for us on many occasions, when the customer we had helped ended up being very important and wanted to stay in contact with us or even when they took the time to give their compliments to our supervisors.

Seems like more companies need to emphasize the importance of leaving your judgments at the door.

-Caitlin and Jeff

The Great Weight Loss Endeavor

Caitlin again.

One of the reasons Jeff and I started this blog was to track our progress on our weight loss endeavor and to help motivate other people who struggle to get into a routine.  Our plan is simple.  Two meal replacements a day- typically a shake in the morning and a bar for lunch. Dinner is a 1200 calorie meal and snacks are permitted in small quantities.  We also do 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weight training.  Yes, you feel like you’re going to die when you step off the machine, but you’ll feel so much better about yourself. We’ve been on this diet for about three weeks and it’s surprisingly easy to find things to eat that fit within the guidelines. We’ve each lost 7 pounds so far and it feels really good.  Jeff’s goal weight is 190 and mine is 130.  We have about eighteen months to go.

 

Another reason we wanted to do this is to post some of our favorite recipes and links to websites that have great tips for healthy living and weight loss.  Once I figure out this whole WordPress thing I’ll be adding them to this site!

Road Rage Confessions

I will be the first one to admit that I exhibit the signs of a driver with frequent bouts of road rage. I scream, I yell, I flip people off, and I have no remorse afterward. I am of the opinion that if you can’t drive with the flow of traffic, then perhaps you should retire that walking cane and stay at home. Usually my road rage is triggered by drivers moving too slow, however, having someone cut me off doesn’t exactly make my day either. 

This week, it has been especially tough to control my anger on the road. On my way to work on Sunday, it seemed that I was the only one who cared about reaching my destination in a reasonable amount of time. I alloted 30 minutes to get to work (usually it only takes 10-15) anticipating the slow-moving church traffic. Little did I know that this would not be enough time to arrive at work. It pains me to think that some people do not understand that the far left lane is known as the “fast lane” for a reason. I have no problem if you want to travel 25 mph under the posted speed limit, but please don’t do it in my lane. I am traveling a comfortable 5-10 mph over the limit and I hate having to stop on a dime before I hit your Cadillac. 

I would like to try to curtail my road rage, but in the end I am a better person for it. My road rage allows me to let out all of my anger and fury. The only other option is to bottle up my emotions and let it out in another venue but I much prefer to curse at you and make rude gestures. Feel free to return the favors!

~Jeff

Caitlin here.  I would just like to add that Jeff and I have a road rage game we play when someone behind us gets irritated with our speed.  Basic principle: if we can’t see your headlights, you’re too close and you just made us feel very uncomfortable driving at such a high speed.  Don’t worry, we’ll slow down for our safety and yours. And if we’re driving separate cars or there’s dense traffic will make damned sure you stay where we want you.

The Class That is the Microcosm of the Nation’s Trailer Trash

Caitlin here.  

Since I believe in year-round education (not), most of my free time has been spent studying for the classes I’m taking in summer school- English and Algebra.

There are two boys (notice I am not referring to them as guys or men) in my Algebra class who stick out for a handful of reasons.  We’ll refer to them as Left and Right.  Left wears undershirts (but not under a shirt) and eats pop tarts with Red Bull and claims to be in “Algebra 1 with High School Review” because Calculus 5 was full (or not). Right thinks he’s hot but clearly missed the memo on how pubic hairs on the chin is so Fall 2006.  He spends the three hour class chatting with Left about how cool it is to fail a drug test and how his coworkers at Costco (big money right there) think it’s an actual exam and they study for it.  Seriously, look who’s talking.

So I’m sitting in class on our break (because I have nothing better to do) tweeting away when Fat Girl asks me how much I pay for my iPhone.  I want to say “by the way, I’m Caitlin and my blood type is O positive.  How much do you weigh?” But instead, I put the smart ass away and mutter something about how it’s like $100 month and that’s with the Apple employee discount.  See, I have yet to inform AT&T that I’m no longer an Apple employee.  It just hasn’t come up in conversation.  Maybe they’ll read this blog.  So, anyway, Fat Girl says $100 a month is “bull crap” and I thank her for her input on my finances.  And then, I give her my two cents on her back fat.

It’s around this time that Right perks up and says he, too, was an Apple employee, but that he was a Genius and he hated.  Left adds that he’s a Genius also (remember, he was supposed to be in Calculus).

Somehow, the fact that Right was also manning the fruit stand makes me hate him less, although since he said he hated it, chances are he was also canned, and in that event, the hypocrite in me hates him even more.

Actually, the reason my hatred grows is that he and Left proceed to leave this conversation to discuss how they built their Mac Pros by hand (referring either to the underpaid children in China who watch as the machines assemble the Mac Pros or to the configure to order options on Apple’s website- either way- not exactly “by hand”) and how the processors they put inside clocks speeds that, unless I’ve been living under a rock have yet to be seen by the world’s fastest computers, much less their (comparatively) puny Mac Pros.

But at least he knows what a Mac Pro is.  The kid in front of him, Chews on T-shirt, swears his iPod touch is an iPhone.  I’d love to ask him to call me on it.  I think he’s special, though, or at least I like to pretend there’s a good reason he chews on his shirt and bunches himself up into a ball in his desk and spends the entire class sending emails to himself on his “iPhone.”

Judgment passed.

C

Judgmental and lovin’ it

Once again, welcome to Fired From The Fruit Stand. I hope to add to the hilarity that Caitlin brings to the table, although I have my own sense of humor that few find satisfying. You can look forward to laughter abound with our new blog as we pass judgment on others and give our views on just about everything. 

 

~Jeff

Designed by Fruit Stand Rejects in North Texas

Welcome to what will soon become the home of the thoughts of the two most judgmental people on earth. This is our blog and we hope to share our hilarity with the internet population.  I’m Reject #1, Caitlin, and you’ll soon be hearing from Reject #2.  I numbered us because technically I was fired first.  Jeff chose not to take the call.  More on that story later.

 

C